Okay, my advice, let it go. Stop butting heads about it, hang a curtain over the door so u don't have to look at it. Declare that room no longer part of your house. It is their room, let them choose how it looks and smells. No clean clothes cos they are all on the floor and not in the he washing hamper? Not your issue. Can't find something important in there? Not your problem. Sheets stiff with grime? Not your problem. Netball uniform crushed on floor for two weeks is now needed for tomorrow morning? Show them how the washing machine works. If the child cannot manage a linen change because they are too young, help with this, but only if they strip the bed down and put the sheets out for washing first - and at a time negotiated as convenient for you. Don't comment on the mess, just do.the job and get out.
Key points to the success of this method, completely dissociate your expectations for their room. Respect their space, respect their choices and crucially, allow them to experience the consequences of those choices. Do NOT save them when things go wrong. Have systems set up for placement of soiled laundry, handing on of school notices etc. It is their choice as to whether they use them or not. Getting a child to take responsibility for their own stuff as early as possible will build organisation, planning and time management skills. Get going with the tough love, take the daily hassle of 'the room' off your 'give a damn list' (it is so freeing) and see how that goes.
BTW, sometimes those consequences can be pretty devastating - like missing a school excursion or similar. Use careful judgement when allowing consequences to flow on, deepening on the age, capacity and general functioning of your child. Is she a bit of a space cadet and it is a genuine oversight? Or does she know you will save her so she just doesn't give a hoot? If it's answer B, then she may have to feel some heavy duty deprivation before,she takes you seriously, especially if you have facilitated everything for her in the past.
Here's to tuff luv! ✊
